To be rid of this disease FOREVER!!!

So I haven't been good mentally lately. I have been under alot of stress from life and Satan. In a moment of influence, i shaved my head. Why is my brain deteriating? I had a major panic attack yesterday in which my body was no longer my own. After my husband administered a preisthood blessing, i was exhausted from being taken over that i just slept. Brody was able to be home and watch the kids. When my body was being taken over, i was under the strong impression that i should kill myself. I was so scared and very greatful that my husband was home to "save my life." I have huge issues with my weight. I weighed in at 296.0 this morning which is so horrible in my eyes. I was 288 2 weeks ago, but due to stress induced binging, i apparently gained back my weight. It is such a freaking burden. I want a normal life or what i would consider normal. I am a strong women who is weak at the moment. I want to be done with the hell that i curently call my life. I need to focus on me and get me better so my kids and husband don't suffer anymore.